Jeepers Creepers! Death is a Tweeter!
By David Eccles
It’s a little known fact that The Grim Reaper has a Twitter account. “What?” I hear you cry in disbelief. As far-fetched as it may seem, it’s true; though it is a very well-kept secret.
Death, or The Big D as he is known to close friends is a Tweep, and he has been known to knock out the odd Tweet while hard at work, wielding a scythe in one skeletal appendage and LOL’ing with the other.
Being a supernatural entity does have its disadvantages though—he has to use a phone with a conventional keypad. Newer touch-sensitive phones with a capacitive or resistive screen simply do not work for him. I assume that others whose bodies refuse to obey the laws of physics share the same problem. Imagine buying an Android phone and not being able to answer an incoming call no matter how hard or fast you attempt to swipe that green handset icon across the screen!
Rather understandably, The Big D does not have a huge amount of followers. In fact, the only followers he has are those that have exhibited or continue to exhibit a death wish—which he will grant with the greatest of pleasure! His Tweets are protected, both by Twitter themselves and a whole host of 9th level demons.
As for who Death himself follows—you guessed it!—he follows each and every one of us, and there’s not a chance in Hell that he’ll ever unfollow. Not even the gurus at Twitter can make him unfollow! You can’t block him, and prayer won’t help you either!
Twitter jail and DM jail mean nothing to him: he Tweets with impunity.
Ever one for the ladies, he looks forward to #TittyTuesday, and he’s not averse to holding down a conversation with the occasional cumslut, but, even though he loves to chat, he remains with cowl and fully robed at all times, so there’s absolutely no chance of him sending out a dick pic—not if he won’t even show his face!
In Death’s line of work, a sense of humour is a good thing to have, and he loves a good belly laugh, particularly when reading Tweets from some of the Canadians and best of all, the Aussies. He’s lost count of just how many times he’s watched an incompetent terrorist blow himself up while assembling a bomb. That’s always good fun, in his opinion, and he has managed to capture many a decent image of such, which he has uploaded to Streamzoo, preferring their image editing functions over those of Instagram.
When it comes to trolling, there’s never been a bigger troll than The Grim Reaper, who could start World War 3 with a single subtweet!
But the guy does love cats, so he isn’t all that bad, is he?